Wall Drug Dinosaur

All roads lead to Wall Drug

Jackalope

Movie of Wall Drug’s T-rex

Movie of the Chen Brothers’ $5 version

We left Rapid City and made it to Wall on the 10th. We saw the first highway signs for Wall Drug way back in the middle of Wyoming. By the time we got to Rapid City, we’d see one every fifteen minutes or so. Wall Drug was everything I thought it would be. Kitschy and cheesy and pretty fun. On the way to Wall we stopped by Olde Glory Fireworks and bought a whole arsenal to mail to our friend Grey. You have to wait for us Gray!

pyromania

Badlands

Movie of Chen brothers’ MI2

flying a kite in the Badlands

From Wall, we followed the Badlands Loop Highway, which is a nice 30 mile loop through the Badlands. While checking out the Badlands, we saw a yuppie couple with full-on biking gear, including clipless pedals and camelbacks, sunglasses and biking shorts, posing for photos of each other at a lookout point. They then rode about 20 feet to their sporty SUV and put the bikes away and changed out of their gear. I could not see any trails nearby, so I can only assume they totally faked biking in the Badlands. I hope Max and I put them to shame.

Prairie dog

staying in Kadoka

The road to Murdo turned out to be a disaster. My rear tire exploded and there was no way to fix it, but luckily a really nice guy named Doug pulled over and offered me a ride to Murdo which was 12 miles down as I was walking my bike. In Murdo, we checked out the Pioneer Auto Museum and then spent 3 hours trying to deal with my tire situation. A couple of the locals we met at gas stations and at the museum helped us out by calling everyone in town about a spare tire. No one had one! We sat at a gas station in the blazing heat holding up a sign that said that we needed a ride to Valentine. That wasn’t quite working so we moved to the other side of the highway away from town hoping to catch people as they got off the intersection. That didn’t work either. So then we waited at the gas station again and tried to find some RV people with bikes that we could buy a tire off of. That finally worked after a big hassle. Too big for this log. [Mark’s post trip note: for a clue what the big hassle was all about, read the very last paragraph of the final entry.] I was very tired by the end of the day.

The General Lee

parking reserved

crazy tire difference

The road from Murdo towards Valentine was pretty nice except for the heat. In White River (was that the name?) we decided to wait a few hours due to the heat and ended up playing some billiards. Thru Mission and to the Rosebud Casino was pretty fun. We had been warned by a few people about biking with expensive gear thru an Indian reservation, but it actually turned out really nice. It seemed to me that all the natives we met were really laid back and liked to joke around. We ended up staying at the Casino which had the world’s smallest swimming pool and the world’s largest 4 women.

freakin Nebraska!

nice sunset

The next day we got to Valentine and got me a new set of tires. Then we waited until late and biked during the night until I hit gravel and wiped out. That’s when we camped.

The next day it hit me: we’re in freakin Nebraska! Never in my life did I think I’d ever be in Nebraska. Over the next couple of days I’d come to realize that Nebraska has been the most enjoyable state to bike thru not including Oregon. Almost every town has a free city park, many with either a pool or showers.

Mark’s post trip note: We had originally dropped down to Valentine from Murdo so that we could take part of the country’s longest rail to trail, the Cowboy Trail, all the way to Norfolk and then get to Omaha somehow. Max had already seen the Corn Palace in Mitchell, SD, so we felt like we could skip out of that kitschy feature. Unfortunately, the Cowboy Trail wasn’t as fun as we would have liked. It was a little too rough for our liking, but would have been awesome if we had knobbier tires. By the time we hit the C & O Canal Towpath in Maryland, we had switched tires and had a blast.

Mark’s post trip note 2: Norfolk was pretty cool, but smelly as all heck because it is next to some cow rendering plants. Fremont is nice and we were able to go canoeing for half a day.

We’ve met a whole bunch of other bikers all throughout our journey to Omaha from Murdo. All of them are going to Council Bluffs in Iowa to join 15,000 others in a ride across the state called RAGBRAI. We’ve decided to ride along for at least the first few days.

Now we are in Omaha. Gonna check out the zoo.

A word about Bedrock City, South Dakota. There was a great sarcastic train engineer/guide who led us on a hilarious dinosaur safari, but it didn’t make up for the big disappointment of not being able to fulfill my lifelong fantasy to court the sweet mother of Bam Bam. Apparently I am not alone, because although we shook hands with Fred and Barney, and had our way with Wilma, the luscious Betty was locked away in a bedrock house. Woe is me.

Wilma and Betty and Max

I guess I’ll have to keep dreaming of the black haired vixen I left behind.

A field aglow with fireflies for miles of riding. That’s what we witnessed the night out of Valentine, Nebraska. Due to the incredible daytime heat and my growing deranged lust for frozen entities, we decided to bike only in the early morning and dusk. After meeting a Race Across America competitor at the Valentine bike shop Yucca Dune, we hit the cooling Cowboy Trail. The trail will be the longest rail to trail conversion in the US when completed. Right now mainly a bunch of bridges are finished, but boy was that first one impressive. 150 feet above the river. Neato.

As night descended we entered reed fields. I saw just a few flashes at first but soon the entire roadside was a miniature lantern festival. Unfortunately the air was full of other bugs as well and I think I inhaled and ate quite a few. That night we just pulled off the side of the road and were eaten alive by blood suckers. The inside of the tent became a blood smeared mess like in some slasher movie.

It has come to my attention that many other NBG riders have decided to call it quits and go home. I wondered why my brother and I have been casually continuing. We are riding to D.C. for fun, to see sites, to meet people, and lastly to make it to the rally. We have hitchhiked some of the way and will probably take a train from Chicago to Pittsburgh because of a comic book convention and a medieval battle called Pennsic. The ride is not a daily rigorous ritual to test our endurance or commitment, it’s to have a good time. I think some others were taking the final goal too seriously and not really enjoying where they were at the time. Granted, we did not suffer 100 plus degree heat and we often stay at motels with swimming pools. We started by getting up around 10am and only rode until 5 or 6. Basically, we’re taking it easy and are willing to adapt to our terrain, weather, and sites. When body parts hurt we rest and try to adjust the bikes to alleviate them. We take Advil. I just wonder if the others were entering their ride with the wrong attitude, that’s all.

black clouds

I’d kill for a bowl of pho.

We’ve seen roaming buffalo and playing deer and antelope, but a lot of the wildlife we’ve witnessed has been dead. In a car, roadkill is seen for an instance and maybe smelled for a moment. On a bike we get an up close and personal look at massacred deer, cats, dogs, skunks, prairie dogs, snakes, birds, turtles, mice, rabbits, crickets, and mysterious flat things. The last couple states have been quite arid and the only smells have been cow manure and decomposition. Depending on the wind we could smell the bodies for a good couple minutes before coming across the intestine bursting corpse.

Mark’s note: the craziest thing is that with about 75% accuracy (50% being the norm), we could identify if the corpse was antelope or deer by the smell alone.

Some cars don’t give us this much berth.

all that wasted meat.

part one.

In the past week, temperatures have been soaring in the nineties. I’ve sweat at least my body weight and have started seeing hallucinations of ten foot prairie dogs. I’ve lost all lust for women but am left with a puzzling craving to hug a snowman. Oh Frosty, you and your luscious lobed body is welcome in my arms anytime. Me, Frosty, a tutu, a bagpipe, and a meat locker. I could wear the tutu while you could play Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies on the pipes. We could be happy forever. Or until I become a frozen ballerina. Holy flying buffalo Batman, I’ve completely lost it.

part two.

New game plan. The next gas station quickie mart I’m going to get me a bag’o’ice. I’m going to go into the bathroom and make sweet love to that bag’o’ice.

part three.

in the shade of a tree I’m going to roll out a tarp and dump out that bag’o’ice. I’m going to roll myself into a tarp ice person HoHo. oh yeah.

part four.

found a lake. cooled off. but I’ll never forget you Frosty, or you my sweet bag’o’ice.

-max

We keep finding interesting things along the highway, other than the usual roadkill and beer bottles.

The next most common thing would have to be toys. So far, I’ve picked up 3 toys along the road, brand new practically… At the next rest area or town, I donate the toy to the first kid I see. I think Santa should check in on this. One day we found a whole string of toys, mostly half-naked dolls, My Little Ponies, and broken McDonald’s Disney toys. Among them, though, we found a beanie baby with the tag still on. Maybe it will fund the rest of our trip. I imagine a mother or, more likely, a father got frustrated at their kid and threw all the toys out of the car…

We’ve also found magazines. I would love to find Bike or Computer Games, but instead, we’ve only come up with porn. I guess that’s cool too. Brand new too, it seems, except without covers… Kinda kinky fetish stuff, though… I’m not sure I’m into some of that, but I guess by the end of the trip I might be.

Things we refuse to pick up, besides the trash and empty soda containers, are clothes. I can only think of the worst when I imagine why the clothes were tossed. Most of them are baby type of clothes… nasty ewey stuff maybe… (Hey Nate, congrats on the poo-factory you fathered!)

So I couldnt help it anymore. There is a type of American that isn’t found often in metropolitan areas. We’ll call them RV guppies. Sometimes it is a retired couple, sometimes a family of seven in an enormous monstrosity called the Resident or the Land Whale. They drive like they have Parkinson’s and the last thing you want them to do is take a hand off the steering wheel to wave at you. It’s just a strange way to travel-to bring your entire house with you. If you need a satellite dish to travel and you never leave the vehicle at the vistapoints, what is the point? Just rent the video!

oh yeah…

When they see us they think we are crazy and say, “I could never do anything like that.” Well if you say that, you are probably right. [ed note: Lisa, a cyclist we met, always replied with, “Well, have you tried anything difficult in your life?”] Plus they often could lose a few pounds, like 200 or so. If they lost weight they could probably save money on mileage. Their skeletons must be saying “help me!”

There is a subspecies of RV guppies who we’ve met at the infamous Wall Drug. I wanted to go up them, point, pause, and yell, “You ugly!” Darwin obviously never studied middle America. Okay I’m done being mean.

Rizz, we found out, is short for Richard. He gets something like 4 months vacation a year, since he lives in Australia and has had the same government job for 15 years. I’m thinking of immigrating. We had great fun chatting with him, making fun of his accent while he made fun of our tan lines.

South Dakota

Klaus and Nathalie

On the 5th, Stewart, Rizz, Dee, and I visited Wind Cave and Sylvan Lake in South Dakota by car, saving Dee and me a couple of days worth of biking. The next day we biked out of Newcastle into South Dakota to Jewel Cave then to Custer and stayed in Bedrock City, a little themepark devoted to The Flintstones. We arrived too late for the actual park area, so we check it out in the morning, fulfillng our kitch quota for the day. But, of course, we’re not content with just meeting a quota. We go above and beyond. So we visited the Woodcarving Museum also in Custer.

hanging with Fred and Barney

Bedrock City

That afternoon, we checked out the Crazy Horse Memorial. When completed, Crazy Horse will be the biggest monument in the world, bigger than the largest pyramid in Egypt. It’s a huge endeavor and is all privately funded; they’re refusing any government money. The memorial is for all Native Americans, to show the world that they have something to be proud of, that they have heroes to look up to, and to right some of the injustice done to their people. This memorial is so deeply emotional that I can’t help but not be impressed with Mt. Rushmore.

We arrived at Mt. Rushmore about an hour before the lighting ceremony. It was grossly patriotic. Going from Crazy Horse to Rushmore, never have I felt so much shame and pride at the same time. Since we had time to kill and we were starving, we ate at their cafe. After we had sat down, I noticed that a lot of people were leaving tons of unfinished/overpriced food behind. How American. I decided to scrounge. A day ago I had told my bro about scrounging.

Crazy Horse

Mt. Rushmore

At Reed College, where I went for undergrad, we had people, known as scroungers, who would wait at the place in the cafeteria where people bring their trays after they were done eating and eat any leftovers before they were thrown away. Back in its heyday, Reed was on a meal system instead of a point system, where you could grab as much food as you wanted per meal. Students inevitably grabbed more than they could eat. Meanwhile, some students were either too cheap or too poor to buy their own meals. Thus scrounging. It got so common place that ettiquette guidelines were written for the student handbook; things like, ‘thou shall ask for permission before grabbing food from someone’s tray,’ and, ‘thou shall inform any scrounger that thou art sick if thou hast any communicable disease.’ It is said that the ultimate trial of a scrounger is if he or she can successfully scrounge at McDonald’s for an entire meal without getting ill. Scrounging has since been introduced to many graduate schools by former Reedies.

And so we scrounged. It was easy at this particular cafe because people would get up from their tables and not bus them. So Dee and I would raid empty tables before the professional bussers got to them. In addition to the spaghetti dinner and chili dog we bought, we made out with a side of mashed pos, a couple of dinner rolls, half a chicken, and a side salad. All of it, with the exception of the chicken, was completely untouched. Why do people buy food and then not even try it? What I really wanted was a side of corn, but I was too full by the time we spotted one.

Mt. Rushmore all lit up was pretty cool. But now we had a problem; it was dark and downhill to Keystone with no streetlamps along the highway. We didn’t feel like dying. Then Dee remembered, ‘you can camp anywhere in the Black Hills if something something something.’ He looked at me and said, ‘we’re something something something!’ So we were thinking of just camping in the parking lot but instead took the advice of a park ranger that we go back the way we came for one mile then campout at a trail head.

That night it became extremely muggy and we were having a hard time getting comfortable being all sticky. We made a couple of fans out of the Mt. Rushmore flier I had in my pocket and fanned ourselves to sleep.

In the morning we were going to buy breakfast at the same cafe, but the line was so long that we scrounged our complete meal. The horrified look on that mother was priceless. God Bless America.

Journey Museum

On our way to Rapid City, we checked out Sittng Bull Cave (they let us in for free since we were biking) and then the Maze. There is a huge wooden maze along highway 16 which took about an hour or so to solve. And finally, we checked out the Journey Museum in Rapid City which we got in for free since I work for OMSI.

On the 9th, we stayed in Rapid City for a day (as of this writing) since Dee was sick with a fever and since it was raining. But mommy, don’t worry cuz Dee’s better now.

Fourth of July in Newcastle, Wyoming eating Thanksgiving dinner and eating s’mores as the equivalent of the bombing of Dresden happens around us. That pretty much sums it all up.

Stewart and Sarah who we met in Yellowstone Park have fed us and been the best hosts ever here in eastern Wyoming. They did a six year around the world cycle trip which hit every single continent including Antarctica. Their two kids Klaus and Nathelie are so cute and crazy intelligent. The two year old has better grammar than me. Rizz from Canberra, Australia is here too. They sure don’t work much in the land down under. Aunt Nat is here too. As well as the Soviet missile disarmament. There was so much gunpowder in the air last night you’d think it was invented by bison in the plains of Wyoming.

Panda and Hello Kitty like siteseeing, too.

Since meeting the family on the 28th, we’ve had five days to make it here. 93, 66, 104, and 79 have been our mileages. Then a huge thunderstorm clogged my rear derailler housing and we got a ride for the last 70 miles.

We met train workers including a couple of engineers who drop by the town’s bar at night for a snack via LOCOMOTIVE.