Last message for 2022!

(This letter is being sent to current and previous students of mine in the past 2 years, as part of a series I started when UWB first went into lockdown. An archive of previous emails can be found on my website. If you want off this mailing list, let me know. If you want to stay on it after you graduate, send me your non-UW email address.) 

It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything to you all so apologies for that.

Usually, I’d send something out at the beginning of the new school year — just some words of encouragement or whatnot — but this summer and fall, I was going through a high-stress period, and I couldn’t bring myself to write anything, feeling a bit hypocritical giving you all hopeful thoughts while I was myself feeling extremely anxious and down.

For the past 2 years, I’ve been saying over and over again that to live a good life is to be true to yourself and stick to what you believe. If you make decisions that you believe are right, you won’t have regrets and you can minimize self-doubt. Attend to yourself and loved ones. Stay connected.

Also, remember that you are part of something bigger, and be in awe of the cosmos and your place in it. Any troubles you may be experiencing are tiny blips in the overall scheme of things. You’re temporary configurations of star stuff that for a brief moment means you’re human and alive, and your only job is to live. Experience life in all its glory, both the amazingly good things and the really crappy things since it’s all exquisitely beautiful.

When life is absurd, the only sane response is to fully embrace it and laugh. Elect to partake and you are in control of your attitude if not your circumstances.

But this year has really made me rethink some of these things. It’s not that you won’t regret things; I think now that it’s natural to have regrets and wish things could have gone differently. But also, it’s more that you have to learn how to be at peace with yourself and accept that you did your best at the time. At the end of it all, if you did your best, you did your best. That’s what being human is — perfection in the imperfection.

I had a friend who went through medical and financial distress and asked me for money, and I gave her money. But then she kept asking for more, and I kept giving her more. Each time I asked myself What would be the ethical thing to do? Can I afford it? Would this money mean much more to her than to me? and each time I decided to give her what she asked for. But I became The Giving Tree ( , and gave her so much until I could not give anymore, and, in hindsight, I realize now that she was manipulating me (maybe without her even realizing it), guilt-tripping and emotionally pulling me… taking advantage of the projected identity of myself that I consistently tried to live up to and strive for. This shook my belief in myself and I didn’t know how to live anymore or how to give advice to you all anymore. I felt guilt for not being able to help more, and I felt guilt for helping too much, jeopardizing my own future livelihood and that of my family. But I also worry that I was inadvertently feeding a drug or gambling habit. I just don’t know what her outcome ended up being, but, because she kept asking, I eventually blocked her from all my accounts. I imagine she feels abandoned, and I have guilt about that, too.

So now what? I got better. I sought help and have talked to many friends and family about this. I developed severe anxiety, but I found ways to deal with it through counseling and medication. And yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I had a truly happy day, celebrating the culmination of a quarter-long project with some of my students and then playing tabletop games at a board game cafe afterward. It reminded me of what I love: guiding young people toward a brighter future and having fun while doing it.

So I’m writing again. I think maybe I’m better prepared for life now; the image of myself and who I want to be was tested and has stayed true. But I have limits and balance and social checks in place now that weren’t there before, to make sure things never go so awry again. It helps to talk about things with people, you know?

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, and, if you’re a student, a good end of the quarter. Let me know if you need anything.



P.S. I’ve been watching the World Cup!

P.P.S. Some good resources:

Oh hey. There’s some scholarship here again…

I’ll be presenting in a panel on experiments in pedagogy in higher ed at Play Make Learn this week! Here are my slides about a course I teach on Critical Let’s Plays. (It’s all visual so you should go to options and turn on the speaker notes… Also testing out google slides embed; hopefully this works. 🙂 )

Update: Here’s the syllabus for BIS 313 Gaming Culture through Critical Let’s Plays!

And here’s the main Critical Let’s Play assignment (for Spring 2022).

Recognize yourself and the world: How to find agency in the face of madness

Hi all,

(This letter is being sent to current and previous students of mine in the past 2 years, as part of a series I started when UWB first went into lockdown. An archive of previous emails can be found on my website. If you want off this mailing list, let me know. If you want to stay on it after you graduate, send me your non-UW email address.)

I’m not sure what to say. The news from two days ago is horrific and debilitating, further making the world seem senseless as we despair in our helplessness. If you’re a UWB student, there are good resources for counseling and advising. Regardless, you will always be welcome to reach out to me for support.

I read on CNN that the US has had more mass shootings than days so far this year. That’s insanity. A collective insanity as our Senate is held hostage by the GOP and lobbyists (who’ve also filibustered meaningful action on climate change, federally protecting abortion rights, etc.).

If you’ve been reading my emails for the past two years during COVID, you may remember that most of them included words of support. I’ve written about how absurd the world is yet also how to find agency when it seems like you’re stuck. And so, I guess I’m writing again… to what? to reiterate what I’ve already said? I guess so… but maybe in a different way…

Two weeks ago, I watched Everything Everywhere All at Once, and it was transformational for me, succinctly coalescing I think what I’ve been trying to say for the past two years. That in the face of absurdity, you DO HAVE control over how you react and treat others. Everyone is going through something; we’re all human. Take the time to understand and treat each other with kindness as the default attitude rather than being so self-centered and reactionary to a confusing world.

I think a lot of the problem is we live in a hyper-capitalist society that privileges profit over people, manipulates us into thinking we have to always be productive (at the cost of irreversible climate change), and, when combined with hypermasculinity and gender norms that stresses individuals rather than collectives, encourages toxicity and selfishness.

The only way to change this is together. As Ursula LeGuin stated: 

We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did the divine right of kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings. Resistance and change often begin in art, and very often in our art, the art of words.

But even before finding meaning in art and writing, realize that there are more basic ways to live that act as a foundation to finding meaning in the world. As the elders of my family say: You can do anything you want except two things: Never compromise your integrity and never act against your conscience. 

I’m adding that you also have to stay informed and to think bigger about the larger forces at play and what it says about us as humans. There are patterns that can only be recognized through continual assessment of our current constraints.

Definitely, these two things must exist together: recognize yourself and recognize the world. Treat others with generosity and kindness, and be consistent with that vision of your ideal projected self, AND be critical of the world and how it should be different so that it’s easier for everyone to be kind and safe and happy.

Also, realize that we can discover how to do these things together. It’s better together. From there, we can and will move forward with meaningful action. These wounds we’ve suffered recently will heal. That said, a scar will definitely form, though, and we’ve got a whole lot of previous scars to prove it. PTSD is real, and its effects last for generations.

But remember, in the long scheme of the universe, we are but a tiny speck. It’s what we do with that knowledge that defines us and gives us meaning. Be sure to tell your friends and loved ones that you care, ask how you can help them, or just say hi and let them know what you have going on.



Life is Uniquely Good (Sometimes We Need Reminding)

Hey all,

As most of you know, I’ve been sending out periodic emails to students and former students over the past couple of years*, starting from when the pandemic first hit, trying to take an open approach to you all since, honestly, I didn’t trust others to do the same. I felt like you deserved to be informed about the virus and UW’s response to it, but then that sort of morphed into thoughts I’ve been having about how to best support you all, to give words of encouragement, to give advice about how to be good, and to generally try to uplift.

After more than two years, I do find myself starting to run out of things to write about. Usually, at the start of a new quarter, though, I want to catch new-to-me students up with these emails so I suppose this email serves that purpose. So, yeah, new-to-me students, an archive of previous posts can be found on my website.

Things are great, things are good, things are sad, things are melancholy, things are listless, things are… things are absurd, things are everything everywhere all at once.

But here’s another thing: I reread this amazing post from The Marginalian (formerly Brain Pickings) about life through the eyes of Burroughs among others. It’s an amazing post in that it connects the thoughts of a whole bunch of philosophers, scientists, artists, etc. into one train of thought: that life is uniquely good… all of it: the ups and downs… and the totality and that it’s within this best possible universe is what makes it uniquely good.

If there’s only one post you read this year in your search for what to make of life, make it this one: Cosmic Consolation for Human Hardship: The Great Naturalist John Burroughs on How to Live with Life

And revisit it every once in a while, since there’s a lot to unpack and tendrils to follow and contemplate.

Seriously, if I could, I would just assign this one reading for my courses. It’s more important than anything my syllabi cover.



*If you want to be taken off this email list, lmk. If you want to stay on but are losing your UW email soon due to graduation, lmk a diff one to use for you. And, I guess, if you know someone else who should be in on these emails even though they might not’ve been a student of mine, lmk.

wtf. and yet, beauty

Hi all,

(I’ve been sending periodic emails to current and some former students since the start of the pandemic. If you want off this list, lmk. If you want to stay on as a former student, lmk and send me your non-UW email. And, if you’re interested, you can see an archive of past emails to students on my website.)

You know… when I first started writing these emails to current and former students EXACTLY TWO years ago tomorrow, I really didn’t think I’d be writing regularly for so long… Then, of course, you know… stuff happened. The pandemic lasted waaaay longer than people were predicting, then we had BLM, “Karens” became a thing, Asian hate increased, we lost RBG, we had an election, and we had an insurrection. Also, unbelievably–but, actually, you know what? not at all unbelievably–we got anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers. If there’s anything the last five or so years have taught me, it’s that people are idiots. Indeed, the more the months passed, the more it became just bizarre. The darkest timeline. The Bad Place. We even had murder hornets and now flying spiders. Everything is just a blur, actually. I don’t remember if some things happened this year or the last or maybe even pre-pandemic… The climate steadily got worse, smoke from wildfires became the norm for Seattle summers… and it just became for me a numbing sort of long-game effect where like… I mean…

Do you remember when I first started writing these emails? In that first one, two years ago, I just said that I was here for you in case you needed support since we started the first round of state-mandated social distancing and it seemed like UW would hold Spring Quarter remotely, and I was worried about anyone who didn’t really have the best home situation or whatever. Then, in just two weeks, I felt compelled to write another email, laying out some cold facts about the virus and its exponential growth (cases and deaths were doubling every three days). Remember how I was freaking out that we’d have as many deaths as we did during WW2 (300k) in just two weeks? Well, thankfully, the rate of deaths slowed… but, you know what? Sometime in the last year, we definitely shot past that milestone and have close to a million deaths due to the pandemic in the US now… That’s FOUR times more than the White House’s projections from two years ago. And like… no one seems to care? Everyone is just numb? We’re in wtf times, let me tell you.

And, yes… goddammit, now we’ve got a war in Ukraine that might turn out not thaaaat bad (for us) but might alternatively turn into nuclear fire… it sort of seems like 50/50. That’s kinda freaky. Isn’t it? I mean, it seems most Americans just care that gas costs more (though that’s more due to corporate greed than anything else)… jfc.

Ok… so why am I writing this? I think I write these emails, honestly, more for me than for all of you. Every time I feel compelled to write something to remind you that I’ve got your back should you need it, I guess I sort of try to remind myself that someone has mine, too… my own back-getter… and I write what I want them to tell me. So, what do I need to hear right now?

I have to constantly remind myself that I am human and what makes me human is how I behave like a human. To me, this means rising above the crap and stepping up when needed, listening, communicating, and doing good in mindful ways. And I believe you all are human, too, and, like everyone else, you deserve love and support as you try to step up, as well. There’s no reason to suffer alone, and, being there for each other means that we’ll eventually celebrate together, as well.

And, in truth, the last two years have not been without joy. I’ve met some incredible people these last two years. It seems like when I decided to open up a little and be transparent with you, many of you decided to do the same for me, and it’s just… I dunno… like… I find myself caring about you more than when I first started teaching years ago. And I find it more meaningful… maybe more stressful, but also more worth it.

I’ve seen some of you graduate and move on (and get engaged), and I’m super happy for you and proud of you. And, generally, I’m hopeful for the future because I think maybe the rest of us have done enough to support you so that you’ll return the favor for all of humanity, too. Maybe I’ve done enough. Life goes on (hopefully for a long, long time). 

Ok, enough pep talk. Haha. I’ll leave with this thought I’ve been having. You know how we sort of believe that symmetry is what is beautiful? Nature seems to do things in symmetry… but I recently was reading about chirality and how it seems like if you zoom down to the level of molecules and protein structures, things aren’t symmetrical anymore; they’ve got a “handedness” to them. My thoughts stem from there: on a surface level, we’re symmetric, but, ultimately, each of us is uniquely nuanced if you examine us close enough. Getting to know someone enough leads to the understanding that they’re beautiful, just like everyone else, each in their own way.

love, mark

P.S. Just want to make sure that you get help when you need it… If you’re a student, UWB has some really good counseling resources for both acute and long-term mental health and distress issues.

P.P.S. Some students have asked me to run a DnD or other TTRPG campaign over the summer. Let me know if you’re interested.

Communication and Consistency

Hi all.

(I’ve been sending periodic emails to current and some former students since the start of the pandemic. If you want off this list, lmk. If you want to stay on as a former student, lmk and send me your non-UW email. And, if you’re interested, you can see an archive of past emails to students on my website.)

Where to start? A lot has happened since the last time I wrote you all.
I was thinking of writing something in January as UW decided to go back to campus. If you’re a current student of mine (and you attended the class session where I talked about UW’s decision), you know the deliberation I went through and the poll I sent out, as I considered the options and decided to stay remote, only to have my dean disallow me that option. And, as you know, I then decided to remind you all that I don’t take attendance and that I’d just have my laptop open to the zoom room while sitting in the physical room at UW and whether you were in the physical space with me or not was entirely up to you. But… man, there’s so much to unpack there. Just know that I’m trying to live a consistent life where I make decisions based on my values and commitments. I believe that’s the only way to live without regrets. (No regerts!)

A week ago, the Winter Olympics ended, and, wow… what a controversial few weeks that was! From the getgo, US announcers and commentators acknowledged that this was going to be weird with the Chinese ongoing cultural genocide of the Uyghurs and with rising tension on the Ukraine border and Putin flying in to meet with Xi Jinping to solidify their bond (making me speculate about Taiwan). Then we had a bunch of athletes being disqualified for stupid reasons and, of course, the huge thing with Valieva doping and whether she should’ve been allowed to skate and then falling twice and the whole Russian team in disarray and us watching teen girls get traumatized for life on TV!
And, now… I mean shit. When the doping occurred and Russia was potentially going to be punished, I made the speculation that Putin would just invade Ukraine and basically say “who gives a shit about the Olympics?” And then the president of the IOC made that closing ceremony speech saying how sport and the games unify us and that we must remember that this unity is stronger than the forces that seek to divide us. I totally ate it up, but I sort of felt like he was trying really hard to believe his own words.

Yesterday and today, in case you haven’t been paying attention, Russian forces invaded Ukraine (and supposedly also are engaged in a large-scale cyberattack against the nation). Biden gave a press conference this morning. NPR’s coverage was sobering. No one really seemed to know what to think or what to predict for the coming weeks and months. One person who was interviewed actually speculated that Putin seemed unhinged and that’s not something you want in a person in charge of nuclear arms (though, I suppose we had four years of that recently…).

I gotta be honest with you. I was feeling anxiety and despair this morning as I was listening to all of that news. I kept thinking, “but we’re fucking in this together.” It physically hurts me, and I get sick to my stomach when people don’t realize this. That we’re better together is something I always try to impress upon you, even more so in recent quarters as new classes form. I fully believe this.

I remember in grad school, a student group I was in, Educators for Social Justice, brought in a bunch of guest speakers from local community groups, and one of them was asked why they do the work they do, and his reply was “There’s a lot of shit happening in the world. I’m trying to make sure none of it is from me.” 

And, yeah… well, that’s the thing. It’s pithy (like Google’s “don’t be evil”), but, in more recent years, I’ve come to realize that, actually, we need to do more than that; don’t just not be shitty but actively try to clean up shit. You don’t want net-zero shit; you want net-negative shit. (And wouldn’t it be awesome if Google was actively trying to be good rather than just not evil?)

Anyway, I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just want to say that as I move further along in life, I’ve sort of realized that what matters is communicating and being consistent with your values. I’m trying to do these more and more. 

I know a lot of you are graduating soon (or have already! or will eventually) and are worried about the future. My only advice is to live a life consistent with your values and to constantly be examining whether you’re doing that. I mean, sure, you want to make sure you’re able to survive, but, beyond that, so long as you don’t compromise who you are, you’ll be fine. Life isn’t fair, but you will know yourself, and that’s enough. (Unfortunately, for many of you, this won’t make sense for another 20 years or so… sorry.)

Ok. I guess I’m done. Be good to each other and to yourself. Lemme know if you need anything.

love, mark

P.S. The series finale of The Expanse had this inspiring tidbit:

You don’t do it for a reward or a pat on the head.The universe never tells us if we did right or wrong.
It’s more important to try to help people than to know that you did.
More important that someone else’s life gets better than for you to feel good about yourself.
You never know the effect you might have on someone, not really.
Maybe one core thing you said haunts them forever.
Maybe one moment of kindness gives them comfort or courage.
Maybe you said the one thing they needed to hear.
It doesn’t matter if you ever know.
You just have to try.

Stay Social!

Hi all,

(I’ve been sending periodic emails to current and some former students since the start of the pandemic. If you want off this list, lmk. If you want to stay on as a former student, lmk and send me your non-UW email. And, if you’re interested, you can see an archive of past emails to students on my website. Also, top image credit: lunar eclipse and seven sisters Nov 20, 2021 Robert Fedez)

It’s hard, innit? I know. And at UW, we’re going into remote instruction again (with some waffling and passing the buck by leadership). But I’m writing to you to hopefully cheer you up and inspire you to keep on keeping on. It’s *still* important to be social as much as you can, and going digital online doesn’t mean being isolated. It takes effort and deliberate thoughtfulness about how you interact with others. Hit those like buttons, add emojis to everything, let people know you’re there, even if you don’t say anything. 

And remember that we’re in this together.

I just discovered a new video by the BBC about the size of the universe, a remake of the “Powers of Ten” video from 1977!

Again, I want to impress upon you how you’re part of something bigger, and in this realization, you can draw strength and comfort. But maybe your natural inclination is to feel terror and insanity at how insignificant you are–just a speck among humans with humans just a speck among stars–but, actually, the opposite is true. While the video shows our physical reality and how massive it is, it becomes even more incredible when you realize that each of us is also infinitely deep, limitless in how we make meaning and feel. Indeed, the soul of the universe is infinite x infinite, and you are as infinite as the (multi/uni)verse itself.

But even more than that! If you frameshift your mind, you realize that we’re in a collective–intricately connected like a single entity rather than individuals existing with others. Draw strength from this and focus on making yourself and the whole better today than it was yesterday. Sometimes you can focus on yourself, but sometimes you can’t so you focus on others. Focus on what works, and, in the end, it’ll come back around.

By the way, if you haven’t seen the original, it’s also worth a watch as it goes the other direction, as well, showing the microscopic world down as far as we knew back then.

Anyway, I hope this has been helpful. Remember, also, to be playful.

As always, with love,


Temporary local configurations of star stuff

Hi all and happy boxing day (and other holidays)!

(I’ve been sending periodic emails to current and some former students since the start of the pandemic. If you want off this list, lmk. If you want to stay on as a former student, lmk and send me your non-UW email. And, if you’re interested, I’m maintaining an archive of past emails to students.)

This is just a note to say that I hope things are going well for you now and that you’re getting a chance to rest. Also, a note to acknowledge that a lot of people don’t have restful situations going on with their families, and, for that, I’m sorry. I hope you have (online) friends you can rely on for support and love. 

This is also to acknowledge that this freaking virus is still with us. UW has decided to go remote for the first week of the Winter Quarter as everyone gets back from vacation and tests for COVID and gets boosted. I hate to say this, but, given how easily the omicron variant spreads, I sort of predict more remote instruction will be mandated in a few weeks. 🙁 So, yes, I know it’s pretty stressful and uncertain for those of you still at UW. For me and your other instructors, it makes it really effing hard to design a curriculum that can adapt to different learning modalities. Ugh.

I know there are people out there stuck in a moment that they can’t get out of. But remember my previous emails about blips (and about imposter syndrome), and, as I was contemplating how to help last week, one morning I woke up with this thought:

We all bathe in the same sunlight, and we all see the same moon.We are all temporary local configurations of star stuff, and when we go away, we return to the cosmos to become infinite potential. But right now, relish and be thankful for our temporary configurations because this one lets us reflect and marvel at our universe’s awesomeness. Rejoice and bask in the awesomeness of existence and allow yourself to feel the energy between all of us.

Photo of man sitting on a Jeep looking away towards the night sky which features Mars, Venus, and the Moon by Shi Huan
Mars, Venus, and the Moon by Shi Huan

Anyway, I want to leave you with some goodness. I’ve found joy and solace in some media this week:

  • Music – New Order’s Ceremony and Erasure’s Blue Savannah
  • Movies – The Matrix Resurrections (a satisfying 4th-wall-blended response and reclamation to alt-right red-pillers) (I haven’t seen the new Spider-Man yet but since I want to watch the first two again first)
  • Shows – The Witcher season 2 is good, and the first is worth a rewatch… The Expanse is on its last season (I haz a sad)
  • Games – are everything

cheers and love,


Thoughts on imposter syndrome

Hi all,

We’re halfway through the first quarter of the new academic year. Things at UWB seem to be going okay in terms of people wearing masks and respecting the policies in place, and, surprisingly to me, we haven’t had any major outbreaks! Hoorah for small comforts. 🙂

I think there’s still a lot of uncertainty and a general numbness going on, though, and I’m not sure what it is other than things just being rona weird… but it seems also that a lot of students (and people in general who aren’t students) are just lacking confidence, not sure where to start with their (new) workload. There’s a feeling that whatever you do might not be that good so it’s hard to find motivation. Then you fall behind, and things just sort of spiral.

Do you know what imposter syndrome is? Basically, it’s the feeling that somehow you got to a place where you don’t really belong… that the others there are there because they’re super capable and that you somehow cajoled your way in or you got in by mistake or whatever… that your work just isn’t up to snuff when you compare yourself to others. It’s really hard to be motivated if you feel this way.

Almost everyone feels this way at least some of the time! People who don’t have some serious vanity issues or don’t really engage in self-reflection, imho! It’s okay to feel this way; it means you’re thinking about yourself and your place in the world. We need more people doing that!

But feeling like you don’t belong is a problem because the truth is that it likely isn’t true.

My best way to think about it is maybe only possible if you’ve lived a while so I realize that what I say might not be meaningful to you until years later… To me, it’s ridiculous to compare yourself to others and take away from that that you’re less than. I mean, at this moment, okay, someone might know more than you or is capable of doing something better… but you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, and right now is a tiny blip along that timeline. All you have to do today is focus on being better than you were yesterday. Improving can take time, sure… but your eventual plateau might actually be higher than someone who is more capable than you now.

I find it very useful to think bigger. Focus on why you want to improve over a lifetime rather than trying to perform to some standard at this very moment. Find a calling that you can aspire to that sustains you. For me, that’s helping people. I try my best to do that, and it doesn’t matter if I’m not as good as someone else because every positive from anyone counts. Then it becomes about us uplifting each other collectively rather than individuals competing against each other. The world is so screwed up right now because of this stupid competition.

When you realize that, basically, everyone around you is feeling imposter syndrome, too, you also realize that you’re all being mum out of intimidation for no good reason. One of the biggest regrets I have, when I look back at my college experience, is not reaching out and making more friends than I did, mostly because I felt like everyone around me was smarter, or maybe not smarter but more “with it.” And realizing now that that simply wasn’t true, I really wish we’d gotten to know each other as whole humans more so than we did. 

Anyway, I hope this makes sense… 🙂

As always, I’m here for you if you need.

love,mark | t: @mcdanger | m: markdangerchen | d: mcdanger#6611

P.S. Here’s a hot tip in case you didn’t know: get a credit card and start using it and paying the balance off each month so you don’t get charged interest. Do that for a while so that in a year or so you have good credit and can do stuff like get a loan or rent an apartment.

It’s the end of September in 2021


(I’ve been sending periodic emails to current and some former students since the start of the pandemic. If you want off this list, lmk. If you want to stay on as a former student, lmk. And, if you’re interested, an archive of the emails can be found here:

If you’re at UW, this means that the new school year has just started (and welcome to the email list, new students of mine!). If you’re not at UW, I like to imagine that you’re doing well or at least coping. 🙂 I consider us still connected so feel free to drop me a note to let me know how you’re doing.

I’m not sure what to write other than to say that we’re entering the new year with some trepidation but also excitement as a bunch of awkward people meet each other face-to-face in what’s sure to be Awkward+ and also that… I know.

I know it’s gonna be weird.

But let’s make it fun as well! We shall treat each other generously and playfully, and we shall fight uncertainty with collective humor and love. I will always endeavor to treat you with compassion and understanding, and I expect that you do the same for me and your peers. If we have any conflict, let’s try to figure out why and work through it. If any one of us has an endeavor, the endeavor belongs to all of us.

I suppose I can also say that this summer, I took a break. I had the luxury and privilege to be able to do that, and I’m extremely grateful for it. Sometimes I just played computer games or watched shows or read, and sometimes I felt like I wasn’t being productive and wasting my time, and sometimes I hated myself for feeling that way since it means I’ve given into the capitalist bullshit of our society (where the wealthy profit off the labor of others).

Meanwhile, the university administration and a group of faculty generated a TON of emails in July and August about what we’d do this fall, how to handle outbreaks on and off-campus, and how to just deal with all of this anxiety and uncertainty and all of it. Gah! (One thing that was clear to me was that we all care, even amidst the uncertainty and infighting.)

It took weeks for me to relax… to learn *how* to relax again… and to remember how to not feel guilty for spending time liking the things I like, and, if I’m being honest, I’m not sure I succeeded (tho, I admit, all the while I was still trying to think through how to teach in the fall).

Anyway, I think we all need moments to ourselves like I had (more or less) this summer to figure out where we are and where we’d like to be going with our lives or to refocus energy on neglected relationships or neglected self-care. Sometimes that refresh takes just a day. Sometimes months. Sometimes years. It’s okay. It’s okay to feel lost or lonely or just not sure. 

But remember that you aren’t alone. To be human is to belong to a massive collective (swarm), and if you need reminding of this, just reach out, and sidestep, right-left, to my beat.



FB/IG: markdangerchen | Twitter: @mcdanger | Discord: mcdanger#6611

sporadic ramblings of a gamer in academia