I don’t fit in sometimes…

A couple of guys from MS are coming as guests to a GaSworks meeting. I’ve mentioned before that I don’t really feel comfortable in the GaSworks group. The problem is that my view of the world is very different than theirs. I feel like there’s no room for me there. And even if they say my opinions are valued, what does that give me? Are they really valued? Truly? All I usually get are blank stares. I don’t think there’s comprehension. (This whole thing reeks of the general feelings some minorities in our college feel, and the futility of trying to explain what that feeling is…)

That along with the fact that I have a conflicting overlapping meeting on the same day led me to tell the organizer that I couldn’t make it. She’s good at guilt-tripping though and cajoled me into going for the first bit of the meeting at least. Is it just me or is it crazy to expect gamers to meet at 8:30 in the morning? (Something about gaming culture vs. engineering culture maybe can go here… which is pretty much the problem.. that they are so focused on creating educational systems. I’m just not convinced they can speak to gamers instead of just emulating game-like things… similar analogy here between ethnography and mimicking ethnographic methods?) But maybe the guys at MS who are coming DO get where I’m coming from, so I should probably go.

Part of my reluctance is the other meeting I have is the last one for the TEP TAs this year which is basically the last time I will see a lot of new friends I made this year.

On top of that, it is off-campus. You know the concept of “white privilege?” Well, in the US, an analogy could probably be made to “car privilege.” I’ve also stated before that to get ahead in academia requires a good amount of money so you can attend conferences. It is soooo against introverts and the disabled. And the poor… which unfortunately in the US also means ethnic minorities and women. but now I’m just rambling.

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